I have CMPD :-(

Few years ago, when I saw Vikram’s Anniyan in a Cinema ,I had a doubt that I too had Multiple personality disorder or MPD.I was a different person outside the theatre and an entirely different person inside. Such was the impact of that movie on me that within a few hours I transformed into a shy, timid and soft spoken girl into a complete freak. Those who were with me while watching Anniyan will know this fact. They will also know that my new hairstyle is also an after effect of this movie. Yes, you read it right; I cut down my 1 metre long tresses after I became an Anniyan fan. Anniyan was, is and will remain one of my favourite movies which showed this MPD with a new perspective. Sydney Sheldon also told us a beautiful story of MPD in ‘Tell me your dreams’ which again is my favourite. My intention here is definitely not to make you bored with my research on MPD but I want to share one of my observations which confirms that I have MPD- but of a new kind.

Very recently, one among the hundreds of forward [informational] mails caught my attention. It was titled, ‘Sleeping positions and its meaning’. Just like everyone else, I too was curious to know what my sleeping position meant! It had 10 different poses and I could easily identify mine.J Interestingly I had not one but many sleeping positions which made me frown.

I am a person who in any normal day sleeps in a ‘soldier pose’. I would call this a ‘corpse pose’ so that you can easily identify, without much of my explanation, how a person sleeps in this pose. Yeah yeah, you got it right. Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides or crossed over tummy. Then, according to experts, I am generally quiet and reserved. I don't like a fuss, but set myself and others high standards.  I was so pleased to read it. I myself didn’t know till then that I am such a serious and sober person at heart.

After my marriage I moved to Chicago with my husband. I was [and still]l having a tough time coping up with the sub zero temperature here. I noticed that after I landed here I started sleeping in what they call as ‘foetus pose’. For your better understanding and visualization I can term it as ‘O pose’. I curl to the maximum extend so as to utilize all the heat generated by my body. Heat from my legs keep my tummy warm, heat from my hands keep my neck warm and heat from my forehead keep my knees warm. I strictly follow conservation of energy principles. According to experts, I should be tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. I may be shy when I first meet somebody, but soon relax.

To beat the scorching cold, we put heaters inside the room. After few hours the rooms becomes heated enough that I can sleep without my blanket. In fact I will start sweating and then I assume a ‘Starfish pose’.  The best alternative word for that would be ‘Michelangelo's Vitruvian man pose’. Lying on my back, with both arms and legs wide apart, so as to allow maximum air flow through my body. According to experts, those who sleep in this position, make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.

You see, I got three different personalities which vary according to climate. I call this Climatic Multiple Personality Disorder or CMPD.

I bet you too suffer from CMPD J

And the Entertainer of the Decade award goes to----Poliwood

Around the world entertainers are paid hefty sum of money for keeping the hard working population entertained. It’s the case in our country also. In that case why shouldn’t any politicians be “PAID” filthy amounts of money for they are the greatest entertainers in India, greater even to the Indian film industry? Even otherwise who will nowadays be entertained by the oft repeated masala stories where an old hero romances young belle [read skeleton], fights for her love and then ‘happily- live-ever after’? Whereas our politicians have ,to offer you ,much more unpredictable, raunchy, steamy, hot, hep, sensational and thrilling stories. And mind it that not two stories is similar unlike in movies where we can make out the story by its title.

Don’t get disillusioned by the fat chunk of maal which goes into Raja’s and Kalmadi’s pockets. Are yaar, without them how would you wake up with a sensational morning story in newspapers and television? How would you pass your tea time at cafeterias? How would you have sleepless night thinking about the next episode’s story?  Come on, so much for entertainment and you are till complaining about their “PAY CHECKS”? Now you are the one with stingy minds!

Now that the election is approaching, you can expect much more nail-biting and edge-of-the-chair drams. This time you will have double mazaa because, not only they will entertain you but also offer you goodies for having watched them do monkey dance. Goodies like mixer-grinder, cycles, laptops, bus pass and what not!! People still haven’t figured out what they should do with their ‘colored TV set’ which they got last year. It has either a menace in their house because they already do not have enough room for one LCD plasma TV which adorn their 1 kichinged [kitchen,living and bed room combined]house [ or room ] or it is a junk piece which will never be switched on by the poor downtrodden who do not have time to watch it after their days of bone breaking toil. Many even tried their luck by carrying the TV on head  , direct from the ration shop, and turned vendor by shouting ‘ammaaa...TV.. .TV..onnukku nooru’. We will have to wait and watch the fate of mixer-grinders, if at all they will have any.

This new gimmick is like ‘giving a man fish’ rather than ‘teaching him how to fish’. You get only a panji muttai [cotton candy  ] , which will taste good ,looks good and will also melt in seconds, if you allow them to entertain you for 5 years. You will never be given a solid candy making machine for you to make your own candy and make money.

As long as there are takers of this kind of entertainment the ‘poliwood’ industry [political entertainers] will boom. Let’s wait and watch for more melodramatic blockbusters. Let’s make fan clubs of more heroes and superheroes like Raja and Kalmadi and  Amma[JL].

PS: Auditions are going on for the forthcoming poliwood movie. Anyone with a good ‘nonsense’ and greedy nature and a hunch for making it big in the industry can apply. If selected , you will be given top roles for 5 years.